Relationships, Attachments, and Expectations Always Bring Pain

Rajeev Verma

Life often teaches us lessons in ways we don’t anticipate. One of the most profound truths we come to realize with time is that relationships, attachment, and expectations often become the primary sources of our emotional suffering.

When we connect with someone, we naturally build emotional bonds. These bonds create affection, closeness, and comfort. However, with these feelings also come invisible expectations — the expectation to be understood, valued, respected, and treated the way we treat others. When these expectations are not fulfilled, pain slowly replaces affection.

Attachment is the next layer. The deeper the emotional attachment, the greater the fear of loss. We begin to depend on others for our happiness, validation, and peace. Instead of controlling our emotions, we allow others to control how we feel. When attachment turns into dependency, peace turns into anxiety.

And then there are expectations — silent yet powerful. We expect people to love us the same, care the same, stand by us the way we stand for them. But reality doesn’t work that way. Everyone thinks, feels, and acts based on their own life experiences, values, and capacities. When expectations clash with reality, hurt becomes inevitable.

But does this mean we should stop loving, caring, or building relationships?

No. It means we should learn balance.

Love freely, but don’t lose yourself in it.
Care deeply, but don’t expect anything in return.
Build relationships, but keep room for individuality.
Stay connected, but remain emotionally independent.

True peace comes when you understand that you cannot control how others treat you — you can only control how you respond. When you stop expecting and start accepting, life becomes lighter, calmer, and more meaningful.

So the secret is simple:

Have relationships, but don’t let relationships have you.
Love, but without attachment.
Care, but without expectations.

Only then will relationships become a source of joy — not pain.